I’m in love. It’s a strange emotion. There is no ability to be normal or tough. It’s a thirst that’s hard to quench. It’s scary the anxiety it reveals and how one person has an unspoken connection to my mind in such a profound way. I’m in love. That simple reality changes how I process normal activity and the outlook on the rest of my life. The beach has a new meaning. The waves are speaking to me. Is my love received? Is it known? Can it be? Are there roadblocks not of my making? These things are important. Aren’t they? Can I affect someone else’s love? Yes! I’m really not sure. Actually I don’t think so. She definitely loves me. However, fear and her thick wall is a particular kind of minefield for both of us. Like most she’s opened up and been hurt. I don’t know how to reassure her I wont or if that is even something that is real. We take chances with one another and therein lies the fun. The challenge. The scary, strange, mystery. Love is scary and strange and challenging and an uncertainty in life. Will this work? Will I be noticed? Is this love too perfect? Am I in love for all of the right reasons? Who cares and why do I? Love hurts us all! We can avoid it and live our life just fine. But are we living? We aren’t sharing if so and is that living? Are we scared? Scared of being truly seen for who we are? Sometimes we hide. We hide from the pain. Either we avoid it and have a certain emptiness or we embrace the ride and look forward to what we accomplish and who we become. My love has decided she is scared and is trying to keep her distance. She is aware of herself but scared of the potential pain and discovery. I get it but not sure how to tell her we are already attached and love has already started to sink in with both of us. What a very unique opposing set of emotions. I anxiously await her call which keeps me up at night. But the thought of her eyes and smile brings me peace which helps me totally relax. I feel warm all over whenever I think of her face. Her laugh. Her stare. Where I go from here is uncertain. Staying true to myself is the hard part. Such a blissfully irrational emotion. So I wait. Wait for that moment when I know that I truly know nothing at all. Being in love is a strange and scary thing. It will make you euphoric and give you strength. It will expose you for who you really are. It will show you who you truly can become. Hopefully all of these words resonate with my love. She truly is my hope and my scary dreams. My happiness and my pain. My one and only. I am most definitely in love!
2 thoughts on “To Truly Know Nothing”
Cliff dive or not to cliff dive? Metaphorically speaking. Life’s too short, me thinks. Jump.